Love More, Fear Less

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” — James Baldwin

February is a special time for me, it is a time of heartful reflection. I became a mother to my beautiful daughter, Sequoia, who is 20 years old this month. Astonishing. When I first found out I was pregnant I was thrilled and when I found out I was having a little girl I was terrified. I didn't want my mother's curse to come true. In a fit of anger during my teenage years, my mother was exasperated and said, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" Well, I am glad to say that even though there were some bumpy rides, Sequoia is very much her own person and did not react or behave the way I did when I was her age. She even has learned to set boundaries with me when I get in her lane and project my experience or story onto her. I know I am not alone in hearing that kind of statement from a parent and at times I too wanted to say it to my teenage daughter.

My mother and I were able to repair those younger years but on some level, those words did haunt me. Mainly because of the deep self-loathing, fear, and unprocessed trauma that I was uncovering within me. Facing ourselves and really taking an honest look is a heroic and loving act. Taking off the masks of pushing, pretending, people pleasing and hiding, and finding stillness to just be our real selves takes a lot of courage. It is worth the effort because what is revealed underneath in all of us is worth loving.

In mindfulness, we refer to our Buddha Nature as we are what we already seek. Our true nature is whole and innocent. I didn't want to have a little "me" because I was still trying to heal that inner child in me that I shamed and lost connection with. My daughter and son are teachers for me in many ways especially in befriending that little one in me with unconditional love, as I do for them. Core relationships humbly or annoyingly mirror to us who we are and where we are in our lives. Having a sense of humor is key in this human life.

Instead of being cursed, I am truly blessed to have my beautiful daughter, Sequoia. I couldn’t love you more and happy birthday!